Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
