I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
