Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
