So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
