I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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