I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
