I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
