So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Come back. Shots need mouths.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
