capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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