Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
