Can Purell be used as lube?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
