I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize