you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
