the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
honey bunches of taint.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
