theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
