I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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