ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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