everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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