we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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