i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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