I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
