Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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