ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
