why didn't you poke me back
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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