I want to stick my p in your. b.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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