and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
