I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
