I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
