omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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