Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He felt like a one man threesome
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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