Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
