You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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