I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
