Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
