I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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