i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
