Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
