Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
