Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize