What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
