I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
