so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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