A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize