OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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