i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize