can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
