Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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