What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
