so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
