Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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