Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Naked Twister starts at high noon
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize