I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
