I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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