I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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