textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
