I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
