Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
