I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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