so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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