i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I believe in your delicious
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize