I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
