I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
