i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
