he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize