i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
