i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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