I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
