just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
