Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
