My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
