I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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