ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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