Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
