do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
