mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
