I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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