if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
