SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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