I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
