I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
