Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
