Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
