Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize