Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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