in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
