Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
