so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Green mimosas i think yes
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
