just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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