Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
