you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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