Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
