Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize