I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
As shirtless as possible
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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