So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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