i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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