so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
