I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
