i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
