i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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