I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
