Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
