Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
