I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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